Gratitude and Other Solutions

Boston

The Boston attack and the media focus on efforts to identify the culprits have upset me and many people I care about, and obviously the people who had to live through the attacks and the aftermath of fear, of staying home while the chase for suspects unfolded.

My thoughts and prayers are with the people of Boston, the families who lost loved ones, the people who have been injured, everyone who has witnessed this appalling crime and had prior trauma rekindled (as happens when folks with a history of trauma are exposed to a new traumatic event).

9/11 and related trauma
Some of the people experiencing trauma triggers are Muslims living in the USA. Some of us are very aware of the possible increase in hate crimes directed at members of communities to which the bombers have ties. For days, at the same time as Muslims have been reeling from the attacks themselves, we have been dreading a backlash, the result of collective guilt ascribed to all. And I am not just talking about verbal attacks like the Fox commentator who tweeted about Muslims, "Yes, they're evil. We should kill them all."

The fears are about more than speech, because, as FBI data shows, Muslims are three times more likely to be victims of hate crimes than anyone else. And the violence sends the message that we are not a part of the "us" in "USA." And Muslims, just like everyone else, are susceptible to trauma triggers. And the government itself had some responsibility for collectively blaming entire communities and treating all of its members as suspect by virtue of their ethnicity or religion.

I was here in NYC when 9/11 happened, and I still have flashbacks and anxiety related to the memory. I was attacked along with everyone else in NYC, from the air, by terrorist criminals. And, I was attacked on the ground, by fellow Americans, overhearing their hate and fear (several times hearing, "We need to round up all the Arabs!"), leaving me afraid to go outside and when I did leave my apartment, making sure I had my US passport on me. I remember the fear being so intense I could not engage in events like the candlelight vigils at Union Square to which my friend Daniel invited me to join him in attending.

This week, walking through NYC, hearing sirens, my stomach tensed and I could not understand at first my penetrating sense of dread. Then I connected the dots, and I remember feeling the same way immediately after 9/11: every alarm, every siren, was a harbinger of horror, of another attack. In fact, by day's end Thursday, a particularly difficult day, I was crying from the fear and the stress.

Focus on the solution
Thankfully, today I have several tools to deal with the fear and to manage the trauma. One of them is self-talk. I can reframe the story I tell myself about what the sirens mean (people are prepared to deal with a problem and help is available). So I talked myself through it: I am safe today. The attacks, however horrible, were limited in nature. I will not live in fear. I am resilient. I am a survivor.

Faith
I believe in a Gracious and Compassionate Divinity. This is my choice and it has been borne out in my own experience, which has resulted in my dawning awareness that my Divinity is indeed Gracious and Compassionate.

Acceptance
My life is not perfect. I am not perfect. I have my challenges. I am not alone in this (others also face challenges). But just for today, I need not live in fear, nor maintain my focus on a negative. I can accept my fear, as a human emotion that serves a purpose, an evolutionary purpose, to keep me safe and alive. I will not let it rule me. I have a mind, and I have choice. I can take action.

Gratitude
I also reminded myself to write out a gratitude list. It is by no means comprehensive, but is a simple thing I can do. I share it here, presented in no particular order:

1. I woke up today (another day of life! Thank You, ya Latif!)
2. I have a roof over my head (another gift!);
3. I have food in my fridge;
4. I have family & friends who love me & let me know it;
5. I get to go to a Retreat & see folks I love, to be a part of building a community that is inclusive & healing, and to explore my faith tradition in a diverse & non-judgmental environment;
6. I have a growing connection and sense of the Divine, which is called by different Names by different people;
7. I have access to affordable medicines and quality healthcare;
8. I live in a place that is not war torn;
9. I am blessed in more ways than I can count or that I am even aware of at times... 

Just for today, I choose to move forward in faith, acceptance, and gratitude.

I hope this may be helpful to someone out there.

Love, Light, & Peace,
Kamal

#Time4Marriage?

The US Supreme Court has not yet ruled, but it is clear from anecdotal conversations and news reports as well as from scientific polls that a majority of Americans support equal marriage rights for same-sex couples.

Not having marriage equality brings real harms. One of them — and I know folks who have experienced this — is related to immigration. Gay and lesbian binational couples have had to fight deportation, separation, and exile caused by the "Defense of Marriage Act" and US Immigration law. And that's just one reason marriage matters. There are a slew of other real world problems that come from not having relationship recognition, economic hardships that different-sex couples need never face.

Beyond this equality and equity issue lies something more basic. 

Marriage equality brings with it something ineffable. Marriage is magic. A Muslim woman friend of mine got married recently in Washington, DC, where it's legal, and had been a critic of the institution. She shared with me that after being wed, she had a realization: something really is different about marriage. She can still articulate and agree with critiques of the institution, but deeply appreciates being married. Perhaps not unlike Feminist Hulk would.

I come to these questions as a lawyer and policy wonk, and also as an American whose commitment to justice, equality, and equity is rooted in my Muslim faith. It was with great pleasure I read Omid Safi's endorsement of marriage equality. Safi, a Muslim American intellectual and spiritual leader, sums up the position of most Muslim Americans I know:

We don't want a two-tiered model of justice. We don't want a two-tiered model of citizenship. A two-tiered justice is not justice, and a two-tiered citizenship is not real citizenship.

He's right. Islam cares about Justice. And Muslims value full and equal citizenship.

I understand some people are truly and honestly conflicted, even morally concerned. Good people, to quote Sen. Claire McCaskill, are troubled by the idea of what same-sex couples do together, let alone them having equal rights. Some of these folks are Muslims.

Everyone has the right to their opinions and values. These rights are trumped by the reality of individuals and children for whom relationship recognition brings with it over 1,000 rights and benefits that flow from marriage. Plus, in a secular democracy in which no religious group or splinter movement within a religious tradition gets to legislate its theology on the rest of us, marriage equality is the logical conclusion.

For those who argue the theoretical point that governments shouldn't be in the business of sanctioning unions in the first place, I say, the fact is governments do sanction them. It's too easy to bandy theory when you have rights and it's not you being denied full participation in a civil institution.

As long as a whole class of citizens does not have access to the rights and benefits (or responsibilities) that are bundled up with marriage, they are denied the equal protection of the laws. 

However the Court may rule, this, to me, is the moral argument in support of marriage equality.

I am deeply grateful to all who have struggled for justice and equality, allies who changed their profile picture on Facebook or donated money and time to advocacy groups, all the folks who marched and demonstrated, wrote letters, spoke to their neighbors, colleagues, and family. I am grateful to all the tireless activists and staff working on these campaigns and issues. So many of you will remain nameless. I may not know you, but I thank you.

And yet, my joy at this apparent progress does not come without sadness. 

The LGBTQ Movement for equality and inclusion must think about what happens next. Equality will have to be defended; there will be a backlash. But even more important, is the thinking about what happens beyond marriage.

Justice means little without equity. Any Muslim can tell you that. While for many, marriage equality is the path to accessing social security survivorship benefits or not paying taxes on property transfers after the death of a life partner, equity means making access to that kind of security possible for all, regardless of marital status.

And if you thought marriage was everything, then you might be wearing blinders. While the media was focused on the amazing possibility of marriage equality, this happened. 

A movement for equality and liberation must think more broadly than simply having rights. Still, I don't see this as a reason for despair or to give up. It just means the struggle continues. As a Muslim, this makes sense to me: #MyJihad (my struggle) is to keep working for justice & equality, equity & access, dignity & inclusion, and security & freedom for all. 

I hope you'll join me.

Love, Light, & Peace,
K

PS In all this brouhaha, I can't help but wonder, is Pamela Geller's head spinning, seeing so many Muslims not sounding like Fred Phelps and Pat Robertson? KF

Additional Links

Muslims for Progressive Values Support Marriage Equality and an End to DOMA

What Would Dr. King Say about Gay Rights?

Sen. Claire McCaskill Announces Support for same-sex marriage

Bay Area LGBTQ Community Not Fooled by Geller's Islamophobia
The "Skim Milk" inside Edith Windsors' Marriage
The Jewish Women in the DOMA Case
"Conservative" and "Reform" Jewish Movements Fight DOMA
A Baptist Case for the Freedom to Marry
The Episcopal Church and Marriage Equality
Red Facebook Meme, “This Christian Supports Marriage Equality” Goes Viral

Be the Change

Be the Change: We All Have Power, We All Have Choices

Have you seen this story from Bangladesh yet? 

A man who works as a rickshaw (pedicab) driver, saved half of his $6/day earnings over the course of 30 years and, with his savings, built a clinic in his home village, which was far from any medical treatment. 

This man is inspiring: he turned his anger at his community's exclusion—& the death of his father due to inadequate access to healthcare—into motivation to do something good. He was determined, and he was frugal. And he saved half that $6/day he made, and built that clinic.

While this story could serve to reinforce our notion of the persisting poverty and inequities that exist around the world, I look at it and see another lesson as well.

We all have power, and we all have choices. 

There is no doubt that economic and other constraints facing this man and many other people around the world like him are very real. 

But he shows us even in the face of such challenges, we have power, and we have choices.

He also shows us that when we act, we may inspire others. 

After news of his clinic spread, it received anonymous donations from all over, and now women and poor people in an area of the country that did not have medical care, do. 

He is a testament to patience, persistence, positive-thinking, taking responsibility to change things we don't like, frugality, charity, and commitment to justice and equity. 

Vision in action. Values in action.

My first thought was "What an amazing example of Muslim values," because I saw in him so much of what I was raised to believe Islam is about (see the list above), and because it was so refreshing to get away from the Islamophobes and what they would define Islamic values as (or the radical Islamists, for that matter, who truly to me seem to be the flip side of the Islamophobes—each with their terrorizing and restrictive understanding of Islam.). 

But I know these values are universal—we can find them in other faiths and among non-theist people too.

Connect to your vision. Connect to your values. Now put them into action. 

Be the change.

Love, Light, & Peace,

Kamal

This blog is dedicated to my mother and father, who taught me the values I hold dear, and to, "Be the Change."

Related links: 

"Be the Change: Save a Life"

Be the Change, Inc.

Service Nation

Opportunity Nation

United We Serve

UNICEF

Rallying for Rights

I missed the May 31, 2011, rally to preserve New York City’s HIV-services budget. The Bloomberg Administration’s solution to the current fiscal crisis is to cut funding across the City’s budget (some suggest, fairly). Critics propose raising taxes on the banks that caused the financial crisis, asserting that:

“There’s plenty of money,” said Heather Stepanek, 29, from the Bronx. “It’s not a revenue crisis, it’s a priority crisis.”

Today, June 2, 2011, City Hall faces another rally. New Yorkers are determined not to let Cairo, Casablanca, or Tunis have all the glory! And New York City can show the world what it looks like when a government allows citizens freedom of assembly and opinion—even when those citizens criticize their government and leaders.

The right to education is a human right, a civil right. Literacy is fundamental to the right to education. Citizens cannot function fully within society without being literate. At the very least, they are at a significant and unfair disadvantage without literacy.

Literacy facilitates economic self-sufficiency. With literacy, people are dramatically better able to support themselves. Economic self-sufficiency is laudable all on its own. But it also brings greater empowerment: power to make decisions and choices for ourselves; power to access health care and advocate for our needs; power to leave abusive relationships and stand on our own; power to demand safer sex from a partner or spouse who pays the bills but we believe may cheat (this is a big issue in male-to-female transmission of HIV around the world). Literacy education enables positive change in a society, in people’s economic conditions, and in their quality of life.

The statistics on adult literacy in NYC are clear. The need is great:

38% of New Yorkers are foreign-born (2000 Census).

47% of New Yorkers speak a language other than English at home (2000 Census).

Barely one-third of public school students performed at grade level on the 2001 English Language Arts exams (NYC Department of Education). 

1.5 to 2 million adults in NYC need literacy services. Fewer than 60,000 receive them (NYC Mayor’s Office).

The fact that New York has a sizeable foreign-born population matters because many countries around the world fail to educate their citizens adequately. Morocco, for example, has a literacy rate of 52%. The literacy rate for Moroccan women is just under 40%, which definitely has implications for HIV-prevention, domestic violence prevention, and other issues.

The Bloomberg Administration has shown it cares about these issues. But it needs us, the citizens, to press it to do the right thing. This is what democracy looks like: we are all accountable, not just the politicians and the banks. We all need to do our part.

Will you join me at the rally?

Gay Pride, Civil Rights, and Usama bin Ladin

For my last post, Usama bin Ladin’s (Osama bin Laden’s) death spurred me into action. The news has sunk in a bit more, now, and diverse responses to it still stream in from the far corners of our shared Earth. As Gay Pride Month begins here in NYC and having just come back from an LGBT Muslim Retreat, I wonder how to view Usama’s legacy. As a Muslim, I am not defined by bin Ladin. No, the connection I see is all about justice, fairness, and peace.

Most Arabs or Muslims I know did not like Usama bin Ladin or the violent path he chose to pursue the change he wanted to bring to the world (his advocates might say, to right the wrongs he saw in the world). While I am not the Ultimate Judge, I believe he caused great harm, and planned and urged others to do great harm. Yet there are some in the Arab and Muslim worlds who do not feel he was a bad man. Still others believe he is not dead, seeing machinations of Empire and distrusted regimes behind such claims (one news source presents these varying responses and perspectives, pro and con and everything in between, including a Facebook page created by some who proclaim, “Usama bin Ladin is not dead. We are all Usama bin Ladin”).

I try not to judge the man. I look not for what makes us different, but what makes us the same. I try to relate to the commitment to social change and justice that a charitable person might say motivated him. But I come up a little bit short. This is the tricky thing with grand, beautiful, blank notions like “Justice” and “Peace.” Who doesn’t want justice and peace!?? But remember, “God is in the details” (or is it, “The Devil is in the details”?).

At a minimum, as anyone who knows me can attest, I believe Usama bin Ladin’s way is not the right way to bring about change. I am not Omniscient, but I am pretty sure I would not have liked the world he envisioned, nor do I believe he would have wanted me to live in it, anyway!

If one does not like a situation, and believes Justice cries out for its correction, I believe peaceful resistance and change efforts are the better route to follow. Peaceful resistance and change efforts are not easy and in fact may require facing danger, yet they produce more real and lasting peaceful outcomes than violence. If peace is the End we seek, peace must be the Means.

Violence begets more violence, anger engenders anger, revenge incites revenge, and everyone feels justified. Everyone can feel they are the “real” victims. Everyone can point to an earlier source of pain as the reason they are “striking back.” Few will choose to identify with their enemy, to see how they are similar, if not truly, the same. Few choose to see we all are human, we all feel pain, we all face loss. Instead, we use our wounds to fuel our mirroring, self-righteous wrath.

As I wrote above, this past weekend I attended a Muslim retreat housed within a Quaker campus for spiritual reflection. During mealtimes, I chatted with some of the Quakers who live in that retreat community, and was exposed a little more to their values. They truly reminded me of Muslim ethics: simplicity, compassion, integrity, and peace as core values. I heard more from them about the famous Quaker Peace Testimony, which I believe has something to teach all of us and can guide all of us.

The American Friends Service Committee, which is how the USA Society of Friends (or Quakers) put their Quaker values in action, inspires me. As a Muslim, their commitment to justice and peace resonates with the type of Islam I was raised with, and choose to practice (it is not the only way but it is my Way). 

AFSC projects, including their work in Palestine and between Israelis and Palestinians, along with the Fellowship of Reconciliation, all make sense to me spiritually, as a Muslim. These projects show Quakers’ commitment to practice what they preach. Candidly, they seem not to preach so much, but rather to share simply what they believe, what they witness. This jives with another spiritual principle I once learned: if a Way is Right and True, it will be attractive, and need not be promoted.

How does this relate to Gay Rights? Well, first, because Quakers’ peace and social justice values mean they strive for civil rights and equality for all, including for LGBTIQQ people. Muslims also can have this perspective, as the example of the group Muslims for Progressive Values and its individual members attest (they also supported the Retreat).

The Quakers were excited to host the LGBT Muslim Retreat and meet us because they shared an earnest commitment to counter Islamophobia we face as Muslims, and homophobia and transphobia we face as LGBT people. Their anti-oppression framework, their peace and justice commitment, makes it imperative. As I said, they are an inspiring, and Spirit-led, people.

Here in the US, the Quakers have had an impact that we do not always recognize. It was these same Quaker values that informed Martin Luther King, Jr., and the non-violent resistance US Civil Rights Movement of the 1960’s, foundational to so many civil rights struggles that followed it. There is a Queer connection too: MLK, Jr., was trained by Bayard Rustin, a Quaker with an intimate experience of oppression, as a Black, Gay man in America (Rustin served time in US jails for civil disobedience and because the US at the time criminalized homosexuality, not to mention that the Powers-That-Were did not appreciate his pro-peace activism).

Yet the indomitable Bayard Rustin did not permit his heart to become bitter with hatred or twisted by pain. Instead, he shared his knowledge of Gandhian principles and Quaker values of peaceful resistance with MLK, Jr. Rustin is a hero of the Black Civil Rights Movement (he was the main organizer of the 1963 Civil Rights March on Washington, in addition to training MLK, Jr., in peaceful, civil disobedience), though many forget he was Gay. He is a hero of the Gay Civil Rights Movement, though too many ignore he existed.

Bayard Rustin and MLK, Jr., stand as witnesses to the truths that peaceful resistance and committed action have powerfully changed the world before, and can again. The recent, brave experiments in Tunis and Cairo (not yet over) give me hope that ongoing peaceful resistance there will show those who want change in the region that Usama’s is not the only way.

My faith in Islam, like my faith in peaceful resistance, is a conscious choice. Without it, I admit, I might despair. I prefer a conscious commitment to open-mindedness, to peace and reconciliation. Islam says this life can be full of trials, and that the solution to this is to live in faith, do good works, be rigorously honest, and be patient.

As I learned this weekend, forbearance need not mean complacency. We are called to action, led by the Spirit, to reduce our brothers’ and sisters’ suffering. And Usama, my brother, and all those like you, you did not reduce suffering, but only caused more of it.